Salute Friend

At least with me once I found out who my biological parents were it became more difficult before it got easier. Still to this day it was the right decision on my part and my adopted parents.

What made it more challenging was that my biological mother and adopted mother are sisters. For twelve years my mother who I thought was my aunt, and my adopted mother played opposite rolls. What was even weirder was my four cousins were really my half brothers and sisters. Am I still glad? Yes. Did I have a right to know this? You bet. Was it easy for everyone involved? No way!

From the beginning of my life; my biological mother and siblings and adopted parents for that matter new there would come a day I would want to know. They also new that I had every right to know. They just did not know how or when. What terrified them even more was, not knowing what my reaction would be.

This is a key concern of parents today day. What will my child do? Will they leave or stay? Will they love us still? All kinds of emotions can and will go through the minds. Are they still glad they told me? Yes they are. You see, a house can not be built without its foundation. No matter how hard it may be to get out of the ground, it must be built. Until I found my foundation, my house with my adopted parents could not be built.

Parents, your decision is not all about you.

Did I develop a relationship with my siblings? Yes I did. Did I have one with my biological mother? Yes!

Seventeen years later I found my real father with the help of my adopted mother!

Greg Ryan is a high profile fitness expert and best selling author eight books. His latest; Fitting In - My story on adoption, steroids and life. And Choices; Do adopted children have the right to know? For more information on speaking, seminars or workshops email at greg@resolutions.bz

I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western North Carolina in the southeastern region of the United States.

It is gorgeous here in April, with trees covered in white or pink blossoms, masses of yellow forsythia in bloom and flowers of many colors bursting forth in gardens and along the roadsides.

It takes my breath away.

As I allow myself to soak up the beauty all around me, I think about the experience of being a parent. I can’t help it.

Here are some of the messages Spring is whispering to me this year:

1. Allow everything to happen in its own time.

I remember how, in January, we were longing for Spring to come. Looking at the bare trees, I could imagine the blossoms of April and silently urged Spring to hurry.

But the time was not right.

It’s like raising children. There is an inner rhythm, a natural unfolding that cannot be hurried. We can’t force the blossoming.

My grand-daughter just took her first steps. She is 13 months old.

For the last few months, she has been standing and walking around the furniture. The adults in her life have been encouraging her to take those un-supported steps.

She was not ready.

Some things cannot be hurried.

In fact, when we hurry our children, it often slows them down. They become anxious and unsure of themselves, and disconnect from their own inner wisdom.

Is there something that you want your child to do or to become that seems to be taking a long time?

Are you impatient?

This may be the time for you to allow the natural process to unfold in its own time.

Trust the knowing within your child. The same inner guidance that we all have within us is within our children as well.

Allow them to bloom in their own way, in their own time.

2. Appreciate each day for the gifts it brings.

The magnificent beauty of Spring is so fleeting.

Last week, I was enjoying the delicate pink flowers of our weeping cherry tree, branches bending gently toward the earth.

I wanted to stop time and hold on to the beauty of it all, but I knew I couldn’t.

So I took the time to sit and watch the branches dancing gently in the wind. I soaked in as much of the beauty as I could and felt an overwhelming gratitude to be a part of that magic moment.

Now the blossoms have been replaced by tiny green leaves. The moment of magnificence has passed. Too quickly.

Today I have a choice. I can regret the loss of the blossoms. Or I can appreciate the beauty that is before me now. Flowers gave way to leaves, but the tree is still beautiful.

When my children were teenagers, our relationships went through phases.

Some times were magnificent, like a tree in full bloom. We just seemed to click, and my heart overflowed with love and gratitude.

Other days, we had difficult issues to work through, or they seemed withdrawn. I felt very disconnected from them.

It was easy to remember the way they were before, and that left me with a feeling of loss.

I had a choice. I could regret what I had in the moment - or I could find a way to shift my own emotional energy.

I did that by looking for things to appreciate. It worked every time. It took me from disappointment to gratitude.

In what ways do your children blossom?

Do you take the time to be with them and share those moments with them?

What happens when the moment has passed? Can you appreciate your children even on ordinary days, when nothing special is bursting forth - or even when they are out of sorts and taking it out on you?

Can you look past all of that?

Can you see the beauty that is before you today?

Look at your children. Look until you see something that you appreciate.

Take a few minutes to feel your gratitude for the gift that they bring to your life right now. No comparisons with other children. No longing for a different time when things seemed better between you.

Just appreciate the child who is before you today.

3. Plant the seeds and tend the garden:

All around us, tulips and daffodils are springing up in a bright profusion of color.

Some yards are like vibrant paintings. Other yards are like blank canvases. Nothing is blooming.

What does that tell me?

If we want our children to blossom, we need to learn the lessons of the garden.

Flowers do not appear magically. Someone planted the seeds or the bulbs, and the sun and rain work together to draw the plants out of their winter hibernation.

So it is with our children.

What words do you say to your children? How do act when you are with them? These are the seeds that you plant.

What is the emotional atmosphere like in your home? This is the soil in which the seeds will either grow or whither.

Is it warm and life-affirming?

Is it inviting and welcoming, so your children feel, not only safe, but encouraged to express themselves?

If so, then they will blossom before your eyes.

Pat and Larry Downing have many years of experience counseling teenagers and their parents, conducting family mediations and leading workshops and support groups. They are co-authors of the e-Book, “Feel Good Parenting: How to Use the Power of Your Heart to Create an Extraordinary Relationship with Your Child.”

For more information on how to create relationships that are peaceful, harmonious, cooperative and joyful, you may go to go to http://www.feelgoodparenting.com/ to sign up for a free e-Course and a free e-zine for parents.

Copyright © 2005 by Patricia Downing

PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on websites, provided you include ALL the above information about the authors, as it appears, including copyright information and live website link.

If you’re like the many small business owners I know, you
probably apply a different set of criteria when running your
family versus when running your business. That’s fair. You could always get different colleagues or employees, but you’d like to keep your family together if you could! But that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t use some of the same techniques with your family that help you keep your business running smoothly especially in the area of people management.

The success of your family is very much dependent on how you
pull your family together as a team - much like the success of
your business depends on you and your employees working as a
team.

The keys to achieving this are as follows:

• Make sure everyone knows what they’re supposed to be
  doing on a daily basis. If you can, create a daily plan for
  each family member well in advance. The more notice you give
  the better. This is an often-overlooked first order of business for parents. As a manager, you make sure your employees know what they’re supposed to be doing don’t forget to do the same at home.
• Train your family members to follow the plan. This is
  going to be the hardest part, but trust me, it’s worth every
  bit of effort. This is like teaching someone to fish - versus
  giving them food. Once they get in the habit of following your
  plan, then you’ll be thankful for sticking to your guns on
  this issue.
• Continually reward and motivate. Once the system is in
  place, don’t take it for granted - or you risk losing them
  again. Keep the idea of following the plan fresh.

If this sounds daunting, don’t worry. You can find plenty of
sources for help. If you have a computer (and who doesn’t
these days), there is now a good choice of easy-to-use
software to help you with the planning, reminding, and
tracking. If you prefer other kind of help, you may want to
talk to a life or executive coach.

If you’re not comfortable with these, you could use a
traditional paper-based wall planner or any one of many “mom
organizers”.

© 2005 by Saro Saravanan.

Saro Saravanan is the Founder-CEO of Mediabee, which
makes Mediabee Family Dashboard, a free family
management tool built to address the needs of busy families
and their organizers. Be sure to read the rest of his articles
on Family, Time, and Small Business Management - especially
the companion article Run Your Business like You Run Your
Family. Download Mediabee Family Dashboard today at
http://mediabee.com and streamline your family life.

With the dawn of the new era of technology, everything seems to be possible under the sun. With high tech gadgets and innovative devices, you can detect a fingerprint, a person lying, and even determine the father of your baby through paternity test.

Since the beginning of modern technology, paternity test has quite gained popularity since rape cases have escalated to greater height. Paternity tests, today, are one of the methods being used in solving cases that involve pregnancy, rape, child claims, and for very simple reason that the mother would just like to know who the father of the baby is.

Sounds quite peculiar isn’t it? But these things really do happen and there are women who just don’t know who is the father of their baby. Paternity test is also common in situations wherein the man does not accept the truth that he is the biological father of a certain child.

Generally, paternity test are conducted through a comprehensive DNA testing and analysis of different enzymes, proteins, and HLA antigens.

The utilization of DNA, when checking for confirmations of the alleged claims of fatherhood, ahs been a breakthrough in the world of science. It is also an effective measure because, in reality, the DNA of an individual is almost exact replicas of every “somatic cell” of the parents. The combination of these DNA from the parents is united during sexual reproduction wherein these combinations will form another new cell.

The paternity test, on the other hand, has three test options available: prenatal testing, viability test, or in-home testing.

The Prenatal Paternity Test

The very first option is the prenatal testing. This is done when the pregnant mother is still on its 10th through the 13th week or 14th to 24th week of pregnancy, depending on the procedure to be used.

Mothers who undergo through this option wish to determine the paternity even before the baby is born. The baby’s DNA is enough to determine and prove the paternity of the father.

Most people contend that it is not advisable to conduct paternity test during pregnancy. In contrast, conducting paternity test during pregnancy is already reliable and effective in determining the paternity. This is because the baby’s DNA is already developed since the start of conception.

Alternatively, the prenatal paternity test may be conducted either through amniocentesis or chronic villi sampling (CVS).

When using a chorionic villi sampling, the process is conducted during the 10th through the 13th week of pregnancy. In this process, the cells from the placenta are collected. This is done by inserting a catheter through the vagina to collect cells. The ultrasound will be the one to guide the OB-GYN during the process.

In amniocentesis, the process is the same. Though, it must be done during the 14th to the 24th week of pregnancy. Also, the type of cells to be collected is the loos fetal cells embedded in the amniotic fluid. It is the fluid that is collected.

The Viability test

This type of paternity test uses remarkable samples so as to check for the DNA. This is commonly used when the supposed to be father is not present or cannot be found. In this process, they use preserved samples like hair, body tissues, and blood.

The In-Home Test

This is the most convenient procedure among the three. The in-home testing, as its name implies, is done within the comforts of one’s home.

In most cases, people who uses this kind of method is not at all determined to make such a fuss about the issue. It is usually for some personal reasons or other rationale and usually wouldn’t want other people to know about it. Though, it must be kept in mind that the results derived from this process is not admissible in court in the light of rape cases, divorce, child custody, or other legal issues where determination of paternity is important.

In this process, the DNA is collected using the buccal swab. This buccal swab resembles to the common cotton-tipped swab but has a special component known as the “Dacron.” It is then rubbed against the interior of the individual’s cheek. Several loose cheek cells stick to the swab. Here, the DNA can be obtained.

After the DNA is collected, it will be brought to the laboratory for some series of tests. It is a must that DNA samples must be in a sealed and tamper-evident packing.

Usually, paternity test results are available after 5 working days. It can also be earlier depending on the viability of the samples.

Indeed, paternity test had definitely made a major breakthrough in the world of science. Because of these innovative procedures, paternity tests are now considered as one of the most effective investigative methods in the society today.

For more great paternity test info and advice check out: www.dnatestinghq.com

Recently I read a very cool book called “The Tao of Pooh” by Benjamin Hoff written back in the 1980’s. It shows how the popular children’s cartoon bear Winnie the Pooh created by A.A. Milne in England in the 1920’s, though a Western concept, actually embodies the ideology of the great Chinese (Eastern) philosophy Taoism (pronounced Daoism). I remember enjoying Winnie the Pooh stories when I was a kid so I thought I’d do the modern task of searching for his name on the Internet. Of course there are hundreds of sites based on Pooh, but I decided to go to the official site entitled: http://disney.go.com/disneyvideos/animatedfilms/pooh/. Uh oh, Disney! Of course Disney didn’t have the rights on Pooh Bear from the start, but where there is a dollar to be made in the realm of children’s entertainment…

I may sound a little judgmental here, but I just get a weird feeling about Disney, like they are planning to take over the world one day, possibly replacing the current governor of California, movie ’star’ Arnold Swartzenegger, with Donald Duck or heaven help us, Goofy. Then again maybe that wouldn’t really change the world much at all! I don’t want to get too political as this article is basically going to be a positive review of the Pooh website, but when I think about it, having Pooh Bear as president instead of George Bush could have some really happy and peaceful repercussions around the globe.

Getting past the idea that Pooh Bear has been ‘acquired’ by the Disney Corporation there are some positives in all situations (Taoist belief of the balance of yin and yang energies) and one of these is the fact that Disney have a lot of power and money behind them. Therefore, the Pooh Bear website in question sets a very high standard of how high the quality of websites can reach. The colored graphics are astounding as well as the movement and interactivity of the site in general. The main point of the site that I want to emphasize is the enjoyable educational value that it holds for children approximately 3-6 years of age, although after reading Hoff’s novel, parents and people like myself can also get something out of the stories. Milne’s original tales were a social commentary at the time of writing as well as promoting happiness and friendship to the youngest generation. Hopefully in keeping in character, Disney doesn’t lose too much of the original purpose and perspective, though in being perpetually politically correct I’m sure all real controversy has disappeared like honey from Pooh Bear’s jars.

Your kids can enjoy Pooh based on-line video games, as well as downloading coloring-in pages, mazes, and color wallpaper posters. You can also download a fun empty family tree that the child can then research to fill in. As the site is highly professional and under constant updates in construction, it says that soon there will be Pooh alphabetical flash cards and even an ‘Enchanted call from Pooh and Tigger”, although this sounds like a pure money/honey making exercise. Speaking of money please be careful as this site has lots of different products and merchandise your kids are bound to obsess over. If I were you, just try and choose the stories and videos that seem to have genuine educational value. However, there are a few nice freebies that you can download from the ‘Characters’ link, such as a Tigger mask and a valentine card for Eeyore the donkey as well as more fun activities. Whether you want to show your young children an interesting and fun time on the computer/Internet, or you are planning to build a children’s website of your own, this site is an excellent choice.

Jesse S. Somer
http://www.m6.net
Jesse S. Somer is and always will be a child at heart and believes that the ‘Way of Pooh’, a life of friendship, love, and relaxedness, is one that humans of all ages can learn from.